ok so on saturday I went to ngee ann, skipped tuition. Went out for midnight avatar with them and met marco and another friend. Played pool till 1 and walked to ps. Movie ended @ about 4.30 then cabbed home. Slept only at 6 ): Woke up at 10am the next day and went to church. Came home to sleep after that.

Ok so today, I got back my chinese results. Though its the first time I passed chinese, but hello.. look at the number of people scoring b4 and below. Its just so .. depressing. I was fucking disppointed in myself and felt sorry to all those who have been supporting me like my tuition teacher and my parents. When chen lao shi called me to ask for my results, and when I told her it was a 5, she 'HUH?!' I could sense the disppointment from that one word and I felt super helpless and worststill, I was alone waiting for my dad and .. yeah. Basically I felt like shit ever since I looked @ the damn slip, till now ): I keep breaking down for god knows what reason. Each time I think about it , I will just start tearing. I mean I tried very hard to not think about it, but who in the right mind would forget that fucked up number 5 ): And when my mum called to ask, she was damn calm, so I thought she thought it was ok, until I came back from bishan. She was saying that like she didn't want to scold me anymore, its up to me because its not her life. But its like .. you'd want someone to push you to work hard and at the same time find it damn annoying and hoping that person will get out of your sight asap.. i think you know what I'm trying to say. Life is just like that :( argh.

I'll just take this day as my wake up call for Os. Because this biggest shock of my life probably made me think about what's gonna be ahead and it sorta motivated me to study since I wanna get a 9 to get into international business in ngee ann poly. I know its abit stupid to get this single digit and then enter a poly, but yeah .. it's my decision. And so, from today, I'm gonna work hard, cut down on computer, cut down on money usage (!!!), cut down on meeting awesome people, and everything else that is affecting my study life. This will go on for 9 months and I have to do it, I have to rely on myself now, I have to believe in myself too, I can do it. I shall let God do the rest.

And another thing. its the r/s thing now. Ok i think i shouldn't post it. fuck love, it doesn't exist. ok stop living in denial asshole.